How to Help a Friend in a Domestic Violence Situation

A tragic incident has left a community in shock, highlighting the urgent need for awareness and support for those affected by domestic violence. Molly Ticehurst, a young woman, was stabbed to death by her ex-partner Daniel Billings in April 2024, a devastating outcome that her friends never could have imagined.

"It still feels like we're living in a horror movie. I never had thought that would have been the outcome for her," friend Gaby Shepherd said, reflecting on the shocking event. Billings was recently sentenced to 28 years in jail with a non-parole period of 20 years.

A Hidden Reality

The incident has brought to light a harsh reality: intimate partner violence affects young people at alarming rates. Aidan Clarke, a close acquaintance of Molly's, admitted he didn't think intimate partner violence was a problem for young people, holding a misconception that it typically involves older adults.

"The image is a 45 to 55-year-old male comes home from the pub, the wife asks where they were and they slap them around a bit," Mr Clarke said.

However, statistics paint a different picture. According to the Australian Child Mistreatment Study published in 2021, 48 per cent of 16 to 24-year-olds surveyed had experienced psychological, physical or sexual abuse at the hands of a partner, compared to 40 per cent of people aged 45 and older.

Supporting a Friend in Need

Ms Shepherd expressed feelings of guilt for not stepping in when she realised Molly was in an abusive relationship. Experts stress that recognising a friend is at risk and safely intervening can be challenging, but there are ways to help.

Pia Birac, deputy CEO of Domestic Violence NSW, emphasised the importance of listening without judgment. "Start by believing them, listening without judgement, and reassuring them that the abuse is not their fault," she said.

Karen Bevan from Full Stop Australia added that it's crucial to take the situation seriously, regardless of the person's age. "One of the things that's really important is that we take it seriously because young people's relationships are serious, they're important to them at that time," she said.

A Compassionate Approach

Ms Bevan advised against approaching the conversation with preconceived notions of what someone should or shouldn't do. Instead, she recommended coming from a place of compassion and concern, asking open-ended questions like "how are you feeling? How did this land for you?"

Ms Birac agreed that respecting the person's autonomy is vital. "It is important to follow their lead, respect their choices and support them to make decisions that feel safe and achievable for their circumstances. They are the experts in their own lives and safety," she said.

Offering Practical Support

Experts stress the importance of being ready to offer practical support, such as helping them connect with specialist services or trusted adults, without pushing them to leave the relationship. "You cannot force someone to leave an abusive relationship," Ms Birac said.

Ms Bevan encouraged those unsure of how to help to reach out to support services themselves. "If you are a little bit worried about someone, maybe a friend, maybe a sister, maybe even your mum, it's okay for you to ring and ask for help too because this is hard stuff," she said.

In cases of immediate danger, it's crucial to call emergency services without hesitation.